Hate

"I HATE MY MOTHER"! Did I just say that? No. I just screamed it at the top of my lungs. I was driving over a bridge on my way to work. I was alone in my car. It was my birthday almost three years ago now. I've never hated anyone. I can't believe I said that. Something in me had just died. My heart had just broke. This wasn't just dislike. This wasn't just something said in passing.  It wasn't the kind of hate a child may feel toward green beans. This was pure hatred. The kind that makes people take joy in the misery of the people who are the focus of the hate. I felt dirty. Evil. I never hated anyone. Sure, there were people I didn't like. There were people I had problems with. But I didn't hate them. I didn't wish some type of accident to befall them. This was HATE! The kind Yoda warns Luke about. The kind that brings us to the "Dark Side". Yoda said, "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering". I was there. I am still there.

My wife was pregnant with our second child and we had just been served with a petition filed by my mother seeking unsupervised access to our three year old son. This was it. The proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. It had been a long time coming I guess but the time had arrived. My mother was officially no longer my mother. She was my sworn enemy. My adversary. She had gone after my child and by doing so placed my pregnant wife under great duress. I would never forgive my mother for this attack on my family. This was an assault on our basic rights as parents to decide what is best for our own child. I was a bear protecting my cub. She had tainted so many other important moments in our lives. My wife's first pregnancy. Our wedding. Holidays. Birthdays. Now she was ruining our second pregnancy. I couldn't believe it. We had to fight and we did.

A lot has happened since that day on the bridge. I'm still trying to process it all. I've begun this blog to tell my story in the hopes that others may find it useful. I know I'm not alone out there. My wife and I were victims of an abusive parent who suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (NPD) We were also victims of a state law designed to scrutinize and second guess the parental decision making process. The law is NYS DRL 72 and it pertains to the grandparents RIGHT to petition a court for access to their grandchildren even above the objections of fit parents. The law I know only too well by now. The disorder is something that I am still learning about. I'm learning about this disorder to help me with the healing process. I've started this blog to document my journey and to share it with others who are in similar situations.